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Thread: FUNNIES - The BFUK Jokes thread

  1. #1
    Baja-Forum Maniac jimcarmar2's Avatar
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    Default FUNNIES - The BFUK Jokes thread

    had a little fight with a few old mates on fb earlier and got really peeved off.
    need jokes now (they always cheer me up)

    cheers
    mark
    Jokes must be your own or typed by you!!!
    New rule: best joke will receive a prototype of my new baja product. (no more being said)
    Last edited by jimcarmar2; 08-08-2010 at 03:05.

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    Baja-Forum Maniac voo2doo's Avatar
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    I only know rude ones
    J.
    .............................................BAJA OBLITERATOR!...................................... ....................

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    Baja-Forum Maniac voo2doo's Avatar
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    A rich man and a poor man are sitting in the pub, talking about what they bought their wives for their birthdays.
    The rich man says, 'I got my wife a brand new BMW and a diamond ring.
    That way if she doesn't like the ring she can take it back in her BMW and still be happy!'
    The poor man says, 'I got my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo!
    That way if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go and **** Herself'
    J.
    .............................................BAJA OBLITERATOR!...................................... ....................

  4. #4
    BFUK-aholic™ Echlin W's Avatar
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    Have a look.


    Sometime funny sometimes poop, luck of the draw




    How were you managing to have a fight and chat to me lol

  5. #5
    Baja-Forum Maniac jimcarmar2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Echlin W View Post
    Have a look.


    Sometime funny sometimes poop, luck of the draw




    How were you managing to have a fight and chat to me lol
    Different times mate.

  6. #6
    BFUK-aholic™ Echlin W's Avatar
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    There were three wannabe astronauts, a Russian, an American and an Irishman, sitting in a bar.

    The Russian says "Us Russians are the best because we were the first in orbit."

    The American says "Us Americans are the best because we were the first on the moon."

    Then the Irishman says, "Well us Irish are going to be the first on the sun."

    With that the American and the Russian look at the Irishman and say "You'll get burnt you idiot."

    The Irishman replies, "We're going at night ya morons!"

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    Baja-Forum Maniac bajamanic's Avatar
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    A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

    When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

    After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

    "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
    She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
    "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
    The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

    The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

    The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

    Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

    "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

  8. #8
    Baja-Forum Maniac bajamanic's Avatar
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    Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

    The iBreast will cost £499 to £599.

    This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

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    Baja-Forum Maniac bajamanic's Avatar
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    My dog's a blacksmith. Every time we open the front door he makes a bolt for it.

  10. #10
    Baja-Forum Maniac bajamanic's Avatar
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    Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?

    So she could draw blood.

  11. #11
    Baja-Forum Maniac bajamanic's Avatar
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    Two eggs sitting on a kitchen table.

    One of them spots a whisk and asks: "What's that?"

    The other egg looks puzzled and replies: "Beats me"

  12. #12
    Baja-Forum Maniac bajamanic's Avatar
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    A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

    He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down £500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

    The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

    The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."

  13. #13
    Baja-Forum Maniac bajamanic's Avatar
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    A little boy about 10 years old was walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a whore house and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said, "No!" He said,
    "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door! . The Madam stopped him and asked,
    "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

  14. #14
    Baja-Forum Maniac bajamanic's Avatar
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    Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey,
    Pop! What are you doin'?"
    His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
    Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that
    gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."

  15. #15
    Baja-Forum Maniac bajamanic's Avatar
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    A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
    After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and
    said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will
    surely die".

    1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send
    him off to work in a good mood.

    2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and
    put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back
    to work.

    3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't
    burden him with household chores.

    4.Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy
    his every whim.

    On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor
    had told her.

    "You're going to die," she replied.

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    Apparantly the floods in pakistan are being blamed on a suicide plumber.

  17. #17
    Now then, It's TOPPER! Topper's Avatar
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    A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the woods.

    The bear said to the rabbit 'do you have a problem with $hit sticking to your fur '

    The rabbit replied 'no '

    So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit

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    Baja-Forum Maniac baja-j's Avatar
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    One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "
    "He who dies with the most toys wins."

    ‘L’enfer, c’est les autres‘ (Hell is other people) Jean-Paul Sartre

    FEEDBACK http://www.baja-forum.co.uk/showthread.php?6210-Baja-j :D

  19. #19
    Now then, It's TOPPER! Topper's Avatar
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    What do you call a dear with no eyes ?

    No idea

    What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs ?

    Still no idea



  20. #20
    Baja-Forum Maniac voo2doo's Avatar
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    So I was ****ing my wife doggy style for like half an hour the other day...

    ...which is about 2 minutes in human time
    J.
    .............................................BAJA OBLITERATOR!...................................... ....................

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