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Thread: FUNNIES - The BFUK Jokes thread

  1. #21
    Baja-Forum Maniac voo2doo's Avatar
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    I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. I Just had one from the sperm bank.








    **** me did I give her a mouthful.
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  2. #22
    Senior Member eyeball paul's Avatar
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    the c**p ones are best...
    what do you call a man with a tree growing out of his head?.......

    wait for it.....

    patients......






    ..........edward.........
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  3. #23
    Baja-Forum Maniac voo2doo's Avatar
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    ADMIN any chance of a JOKES thread?
    J.
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  4. #24
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    Changed the title of this one and stuck it, hope you dont mind Jim, i can change it back if so

  5. #25
    Baja-Forum Maniac jimcarmar2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Merlin View Post
    Changed the title of this one and stuck it, hope you dont mind Jim, i can change it back if so
    no no, i dont mind at all.
    its easier to find now and better for everyone, cheers

    u not gonna enter??

  6. #26
    Now then, It's TOPPER! Topper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jimcarmar2 View Post

    u not gonna enter??
    The swear filter will have to be turned off if he did, or every second word would be ****

  7. #27
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    i'm trying to rack my brains for clean jokes

  8. #28
    Formerly Silverback RC flake99please's Avatar
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    Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

    "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."



    "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson.



    "And what do you deduce from that?"



    Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"



    "Watson, you idiot!" he exclaims, "Somebody's stolen our tent!"

  9. #29
    Baja-Forum Maniac voo2doo's Avatar
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    Default Goolies!

    A Saskatchewan guy went out duck hunting in the fall, when a very powerful gust of wind blew, which caused his gun to fall over and discharge, and shoot him in his private parts.

    Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

    "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news.

    The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

    "What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

    "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

    "Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

    "Not exactly," answered the doctor.

    "She's a flute player in the Regina Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't **** in your eye.

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  10. #30
    Formerly Silverback RC flake99please's Avatar
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    An 30 year old woman who hasnt had any action for a few years finally plucks up the courage to buy herself a vibrator. When she goes into Ann Summers, she looks around amongst the rampant rabbits etc etc & finds something standing there on its own on top of the sales counter called "The Magical Dildo". She asks one of the women behind the sales counter what is so Magical about this vibrator? The sales assistant seems quite excited about telling the woman all about this latest piece of technology and describes to her that it is voice activated. First you need to say Magical Dildo, followed by where you want it. These things have literally flown off the shelves since we have had them in and this is unfortunately the only remaining unit in stock for at least a month. I can give you a 10% discount if you would like to take this home with you today.


    The woman is impressed by the sales assistant glowing endorsement of the product so takes it home for a bargain price. She gets home and sure enough within 5 minutes of getting home & undressed she flicks the on switch and says "magical dildo my vagina". The dildo does exactly as it was instructed and pleasure the woman several times over, but unfortunately it becomes stuck inside her. In a panic the woman decides to get in her car and speeds off the to the hospital. On her way there a cop notices her erratic driving & speeding and decides to pull her over. "Good afternoon madam, care to tell me why you were driving erratically & with excessive speed?" The woman rather flushed with embarrassment & sexual pleasure says I bought a magical dildo today & it has been stuck inside my vagina for the last 2 hours. The cop laughs and says "magical dildo my ass"
    Last edited by flake99please; 08-08-2010 at 20:21.

  11. #31
    Baja-Forum Maniac voo2doo's Avatar
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    Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together and they were getting a little testy.

    One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire."

    The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.

    That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

    The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

    "Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?"

    "Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."
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  12. #32
    Baja-Forum Maniac voo2doo's Avatar
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    Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

    The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

    He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

    'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the Bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'

    And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

    That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

    But just before they enter the house,
    Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'

    'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who Says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

    'No problem,' he says. And in they go.

    Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a Huge stack of dirty dishes.

    In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

    They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

    As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

    So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

    No one says a word.

    So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

    Still, nobody says a word.

    So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and
    her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

    He looks at her mom..

    'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.

    Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, Total silence.

    All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

    Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket...

    Suddenly the father shouted....'I'll do the f****** dishes!!!
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  13. #33
    Baja-Forum Maniac Stumungous's Avatar
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    That's brilliant mate

  14. #34
    Now then, It's TOPPER! Topper's Avatar
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    Why do women wear make up and perfume ?

    Cos they're ugly and they stink

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    Bloke goes up to a fat girl in a bar and says fouking ell, i'd give you one.

    She says fouk off, i wouldnt sleep with you if you were the last person on earth.

    The bloke says, hold on a minute you fat cuunt, i was giving you marks out of 10.




    What do women and clouds have in common?... When they fouk off its a nice day.





    What do women and computers have in common? ... You have to punch the information into them.

  16. #36
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    Carlos tevez has just released his very own lean mean grilling machine....

    .... its so good he put his face on it.

  17. #37
    Baja-Forum Maniac voo2doo's Avatar
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    Teacher to class:"what does your dad do at weekends?"
    little boy "hes a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the moneys right he lets punters bang his **** and cum in his gob".
    Teacher takes him outside:"is that true ?"
    "no miss its bollocks,he plays in goal for england but i'm too embarrased to say".
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  18. #38
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    gay woman goes to weight watchers and the instructor says you are what you eat.

    the woman said are you calling me a c**t?




    what you call a gay dinosaur?




    lickasoreass

  19. #39
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    LMao very funny stuff. Hope to read more soon

  20. #40
    Now then, It's TOPPER! Topper's Avatar
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    I likes a good joke but can we lay of the racist ones please

    *cleaned*

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